I share about myself and my path for many reasons. In part it selfishly helps me feel less alone and in part I consider it an act of service. Perhaps you may see something of my experience in yourself and be inspired to hold it and yourself more compassionately or fearlessly, as the case may be.
A few weeks ago I presented my first ever webinar. I was so excited about it that the let down was quite a blow. In the end, the webinar felt awkward and embarrassing. The confidence I typically experience as a teacher in other contexts was entirely lost to me in the virtual classroom setting. Despite knowing objectively that something good had to have come across, my overwhelming emotional experience was one of FAILURE!
For the weeks after the webinar I noticed myself procrastinating. Setting aside time to write and work on future digital projects turned into wasted hours on facebook and television and the subsequent self-judgment.
Finally with a little willingness and self-inquiry I realized just how much I allowed that webinar experience to paralyze me. That the fear of failure had its grip on me.
So much changed for me the moment I saw clearly what was going on. Rather than continuing to judge myself for not getting things done, I had compassion for the part of me that got scared away. I also knew I needed to get out of my head and get help, so I reached out to my community to create some connection, support, and accountability.
Ultimately I knew what I needed most was to re-connect with my original desire. My desire to teach what I know so more mothers can give birth with the kind of support their families and our world needs! And so more caregivers have the support they need to do their work!
The point is to share our gifts. To let our light shine. Cliche perhaps, but we need the reminders, because it's human nature to fear failure, to stay safe, and avoid risk. But it's also human nature to want to help, to serve and make a difference in the world, even if at risk of judgement or failure. I just needed to get my YOU, bigger than my ME again.
So stay tuned...because I'm now fast at work developing new webinar content for you, because I want you to have what it is I'm here to do. And if I ever want to F*ck Everything And Run again, which I'm sure I will, I'll have this blog to remind me to keep going.
Anything you've been scared or procrastinating on lately? Share it in the comments so we can help you get it out of your head and into the world.