The Essential Nature of the Womb

A client recently reminded me of the connection between the Hebrew and Arabic words for womb, which share the same root as the word for compassion: Rechem, Rachma, Rachameem. To me this connection makes perfect sense.

Like the womb, compassion offers a nurturing container in which growth can flourish. When I’m holding space for my clients, or anyone really, compassion feels like one of the most important qualities I can bring into that space. Including with myself.

Postpartum, like other times when we are “beginners” and navigating uncharted territory, can leave us feeling especially vulnerable. Even if you have had other children, each postpartum is an entirely new experience. And it is one in which so many new parents feel inadequate. There can be so much self-judgment, not only when we fail to match society’s idealized versions of motherhood, but also when we fall short of our own image of who we thought we would be as mothers, regardless of where that expectation originated.

What happens when reality clashes with those images? When, for example, we pictured ourselves loving nursing our babies, only to discover that we experience intense sensory aversions or anxiety with every letdown? When we imagined ourselves savoring cozy moments at home, in bed with our newborns, only to find ourselves feeling claustrophobic while navigating a more difficult than imagined physical recovery? When we see our partners having so much more patience than we do? When we are in deep grief over our disconnection from the nourishing social life or career we knew before this creature joined us? When we don’t feel the love for them like we thought we would or should? 

Not only can this mismatch trigger so much self-criticism, grief, and even rage, but each disappointment often carries with it an enormous shadow of shame and guilt for not feeling the way we thought, and still believe, we should.

It may be painful to witness, but I think it’s a good thing that so many people are bringing the realities of postpartum mental health to light. And even when someone’s experience doesn’t rise to the level of diagnosis or need for psychiatric treatment, normalizing the need for compassionate regard and care should be the bare minimum of what we collectively offer the people who are birthing our future. And perhaps, even especially when the fantasy doesn’t match and we can’t parent the way we hoped, we can at least "mother our inner child", and hold our own disappointments, embarrassments, and frustrations with greater compassion.

In case you missed my posts about postpartum bodywork, you'll find those on my blog and Instagram. Plus, if you haven't yet, I invite you to check out this amazing Postpartum Essentials Course, offering new mothers and birthing people access to a comprehensive and holistic recovery plan for the first 40 days, including contributions from yours truly.