Birth is Already Erotic Enough
- Jul 12
- 3 min read
One of the core principles underlying Comforting Touch for Birth is learning how to take good care of our client’s (or partner’s) nervous system.
When I was first developing the curriculum for these classes, I was reflecting on my understanding of what makes touch feel good for my clients. What is the je ne sais quoi of Comforting Touch?
One of the things I noted was the significance of communicating when a given stroke has come to completion. Meaning, rather than abruptly removing our hand at the end of a sequence, taking a moment to convey some kind of intentional end. Giving a squeeze, or even the classic massage brush-away are examples of how we can offer this simple communication, "the end."
I noted how much the nervous system likes to know when something is starting or ending. How grounding that feels, and how much we recognize, even from the beginning of life, that this element of touch contributes to feeling safe. For example, when we offer baby massage, each segment begins and ends the same way so our infants’ little nervous systems come to know when the touch is starting and stopping.
I think most of us can relate to the comfort of knowing, rather than not knowing, in most circumstances!
When I shared these observations with my husband, who worked in the field of coaching, especially around sex and sensuality, his initial response was that the opposite kind of touch can feel just as good. And he was right!
In the realm of erotic touch, part of the pleasure can be found in touch that is titillating. Conjure the classic teasing touch of a feather, or even the swing of a paddle when you’re not sure exactly when or how intensely it will land. That anticipation is part of the pleasure in erotic touch. It points to the aspect of being alive that celebrates the unfamiliar, the mystery, the exact fact that the future is unpredictable, as a source of excitement, intrigue, of surprise and awe.
But by these defining characteristics, birth is about as “erotic” as one can get. In birth, we’re already at the edge of our seats, not knowing anything about what is about to happen. What will we feel? How long will it go on? When will this baby arrive? Who will they be?! In birth we have front row seats to the great mystery.
Because of this feature of birth, it becomes more important than ever to lean into counter-balancing elements that help us stay present, so that our nervous systems don't become overwhelmed and hijacked by stress hormones, trying to mentally leap ahead and chasing safety by seeking certainty, but instead, finding safety in the experience of dropping deeply into the present moment.
The nature of contractions helps us. They typically follow a predictable pattern, rising, peaking, and waning in intensity. This is also part of what makes breathing so powerful, especially during birth. Intentional breathing helps keep us tethered and connected to the present moment. Inhale. Exhale. All there is is right here and now. Seeking rhythm and embodiment of all kinds, including the experience of Comforting Touch also helps us stay "here". The more our touch supports someone in feeling grounded and present, the more reliable it is, the more comforting it will tend to be.
In short, touch is a super powerful tool for engaging and directing our nervous systems. If you’re looking for something to spice up your life, erotic touch may be the way to go! Certainly don’t knock it before you try it! For the times when life is already feeling spicy enough, I’ve got you covered with all things Comforting Touch.
Join me for a class listed below to learn more. I’m also here for prenatal and postpartum private sessions in the Hudson Valley.
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