What Happens When Birth Affirmations Lie

Affirmations are thought of as pretty big tools in birth work. Saying things like, “I am safe”, I am powerful and strong”, or “I can trust my body” are common ones that can be super empowering, comforting, and supportive during pregnancy and birth. And repetition is reinforcing. People will repeat their affirmations like mantras throughout pregnancy, and sometimes even make art with them to surround themselves with visual encouragements during labor. 

All of that can be wonderful, but there’s something about affirmations that’s always rubbed me the wrong way, and often doesn’t get addressed, which is, what if you don’t really, deep down, believe them!  

One thing I’ve learned from my Havening work is that in the deep recesses of our brains where our experiences are stored is the truth of what we believe about life. The amygdala, that part of our brains that stores our memories, traumas, and sense of safety, that governs our emotional responses to life, is designed to reject anything but the truth (whether we admit it or not). So for example, affirming we are safe when we feel scared, does not work! No matter how many times you say it. To benefit from an affirmation, we need to really feel it’s true!  

The other day when I saw another birthworker’s post about affirmations, I thought to myself that we could be using affirmations in a much smarter and deeper way than we do currently. Exploring different affirmations can actually expose our hidden truths and vulnerabilities.

Because if we try on an affirmation like “My body is made for this” and some part of ourselves internally rejects that thought, that awareness can actually guide us toward healing whatever wounded place inside feels incapable, or harbors any doubts in our bodies based on prior life experience.

In short, before jumping blindly on the affirmations bandwagon, ask yourself what affirming, empowering, and supportive thoughts do you genuinely 100% believe about yourself, your body and birth? Go there! 

Second, use those suggested affirmations to get to know yourself and your beliefs better. When you hear “I’m powerful”, “I’m safe”, “My body is strong”, “I can do this”, notice if any parts of you come back with thoughts like, “Not really” or “I wish I did, but I don’t (or part of me doesn’t) actually feel that way”. And go there! It’s not bad that you don’t fully believe. It’s actually an amazing opportunity to heal and resolve those places. And reach out if you need help!

What do you think of this evaluation of affirmations? If you're a birthworker who'd love to learn more about Havening Touch for Birth Work, check out our online training here.