The Keys to Partner Support in Birth

I recorded a podcast episode last week (I'll definitely share when it comes out in May) with Deb Flashenberg for her amazing Yoga, Birth, Babies podcast on the topic of how to best engage partners in birth, beyond just showing up on the day of.

We talked about dispelling the false notion that doulas replace partners in any way, when in fact, one of our most essential roles is helping partners offer the best possible support they can.

The most important things I shared during our conversation had to do with how important birth preparation is in setting partners up for success. In addition to recommending all expectant couples hire a doula to guide this process, these were some of the suggestions we discussed:

• Prioritize attending a childbirth class, of some kind, together! Ideally out of hospital. (Understanding, for example, that your partner may have less bandwidth for conversation or prefer certain kinds of touch over others during contractions, can be helpful for partners.) We're big fans of BirthSmarter's options around here. I love how they refer to partners as the "keepers of oxytocin". You'll find my Comforting Touch for Babies on-demand class and all their amazing educational offerings here.

• Work with each partners preferred ways of learning. (For example, reading "The Birth Partner" may be perfect for your voracious reader partner, whereas a podcast or hands-on class could work better for others.)

• Get to know better understand your partners' love language so you can offer more of that rather than your default (if it's different).

• Dedicate time to having conversations about expectations, roles, preferences, fears, etc. The more you know about each others desires, and concerns in advance, the more clear, aligned, and supportive you can be in the moment when it's all happening.

• Get to know the B.R.A.I.N. method to guide advocacy and shared decision making moments. (In short, when considering options, you'll want to discuss with your birth team the Benefits, Risks, and Alternatives, and/or tune into what your Intuition is saying, as well as understanding what happens if you do Nothing or taking a wait and see approach.

Something I forgot to say on the podcast about the importance of this "pre-work" has to do with especially taking the time for both partners to address known history that could contribute to stress during the birth.

Partners can come with the potential for their own medical, physical or emotional traumas to get triggered during labor.

Birth is a primal event that awakens our animal instincts. As such, even if unconsciously, birthing people can smell the stress pheromones around them, which can impact their sense of safety and labor pattern.

Whether you choose to work with a therapist, explore somatic healing, Havening, or something else, this is a worthwhile topic to weave into any birth prep conversations, so partners can show up for the moment as fully present and supported as possible.