The truth about confidence is...
Do you know Dr Becky at Good Inside? I am obsessed!
I was just listening to her parenting podcast and at one point she started talking about confidence. About how confidence isn’t about feeling like you're the best at everything, but rather, it’s knowing that “it’s okay to be you when you’re NOT the best at something.”
There are so many things I love about this insight, but because confidence is at the top of the list of takeaways that doulas name when they take a Comforting Touch for Doulas class, it got me thinking.
A big part of what happens in class is students becoming more comfortable with the prospect of NOT always getting it “right”. Developing the ability to not take it personally, or feel discouraged or rejected when we try something that doesn’t work for our clients. It’s only insecurity and a LACK of confidence that would have me put that kind of pressure on myself to get it perfect every time, to always land in the exact spot they want without any trial and error.
If instead, we stay committed to our caring, and let that be our beacon, we can try something that doesn’t work, that isn’t the “best”, and know that’s okay, because together with our clients we’ll keep trying to find the things that do work and feel good. Even if that isn’t being touched by us at all at some point.
As an aside, it’s worth reflecting on how objectively not personal all of this is. That whatever does or doesn’t feel right to a birthing person is hardly even about them! It’s actually, more than anything based on what’s happening with the baby internally that in turn guides the birthing person to prefer certain positions and certain kinds of touch over others. I share this point of view with partners all the time!
The confidence doulas and partners gain from learning Comforting Touch is in part about gaining new skills and guidelines to hit the mark, but I’d say what’s even more significant is learning that "it's 'okay' to be you", that you’re still an amazing doula/partner even when you try something that flops!
Join my next Comforting Touch for Doulas trainings in Los Angeles and Redwood City this November and in NYC in December here. Add Comforting Touch Trained Doula to your list of credentials. One class participant just told me 2 clients said they hired her because they saw she trained with me! CE credits and payment plans are available. Space is limited. Sign up here today! Get the details for my next Comforting Touch for Partners classes at the Prenatal Yoga Center here.